The cost of Listening to God is $5.30 and 6 minutes

Its strange how the most change happens in the least amount of time. Total change takes no time at all. Seems true also for the amount of 'change' we give others. Five dollars thirty to be exact and six minutes of my time was all it took to hear god speak to me today.

God for me isn't someone that speaks only at church through priests and the rules and regulations of a religion. God speaks to me all the time, I only had to learn to listen.

I was listening today. I have an agreement and understanding with god, the universe and everything. I want to help create the communities I want to live in. I will own that. I feel I already live the change I want to see in this world. Now I want my communities to be the change I want to see in this world. Part of this means that I will help people when I am asked. Because God only sends the people I can help.

God knows that I haven't always helped all the people that have asked me for help. I know this too. I was wrong to turn them away and this story I hope will help you to understand that saying yes to helping others is saying yes to a community where we are all there with loving support for each other. I want my communities to be a loving support for me. This means I need to give my communities my strengths, so my communities are strong. I need to notice my strengths and share them.

One of the best gifts we can give each other is our story. The story of what makes us who we are. Sharing our stories is a strength we all are capable of noticing. This is the story of how I noticed something hidden in my life. I needed to notice it, so I can own it and allow it to heal. God knew I was ready to understand this hidden part of myself. I asked for healing. So I had my listening ears on, waiting to understand some issues I had been frustrated over.

I was walking to the train station to go to work. I was late. My girls and I slept in again and I had stopped to talk to my neighbour as I dropped my youngest off. Our girls are in the same Kindergarten class. And she offered to help me out with dropping my daughter off to school so I could get to work on time. It had been the best gift I allowed myself to receive this year. Help from my neighbour. It has been very healing to allow myself to be supported by my community in this way.

When I was approached and asked for help on my way to the station, I had all the excuses to keep walking. But I can't do that any more. I promised god. And I am learning that I can trust that I am only asked for what I have to give.

A tall man, looking extremely desperate for help begged me for $8 to pay for a script. I felt intimidated and the urge to keep going pulled at me with equal strength to my genuine need to create the communities I want to live in. I stopped and listened. I didn't have the money in my purse as I only carried the train fare to work. The chemist was just there and it was open. I could use eftpos, so I waited for him to get his script.

He had a diarrhoea problem. I just couldn't imagine being in his situation, it must have been terribly desperate.

While I waited I needed to allow myself to say a few things to this man. I needed him to understand how intimidating and awkward it felt to be stopped like that. I needed him to be responsible for the situation he put himself in to have to be that desperate in the first place.

So I said a few things along the lines of please love yourself enough to pay for your own scripts. Get your finances in order, you can work it out. Stop spending your money on things that don't matter. Get help and work your self out. I am a single mother of two doing the best I can and its not fair to be expected to pick up after everyone that stops me in the street.

The chemist knew the man. And I paid for the script. He was grateful and thankful and I asked him about his friends and family? Thinking maybe he can open up to finding help in other ways. This was when he told me that he has seven children he doesn't see. This was what got my ears open. Absent fathers is the biggest issue in my life. 

God was giving me an opportunity to face this issue of shitty fathers, literally, and speak my mind. This is what I said, “I grew up not knowing my biological father and it's a shit life. My ex husband will not see my three year old and that is shit. Get your self together, be the best person you can be and allow your children to know who you are.”

Then I went to the train station and cried. I realised that it still really hurts me to not know who my biological father is. The other thing that was new for me was to notice that it hurts me more to see my youngest daughter growing up not knowing her father. She is five at the moment, but she was three when he stopped seeing her on a regular basis. He has only seen her about 4 times the last year and a half.

My youngest and I have had some issues lately and I asked god to help me understand what is going on. So now I understand that I was just frustrated and angry and hurt to watch her cry and be frustrated and angry and hurt missing her dad.

Witnessing my youngest have no connection to her father is my greatest suffering. I am allowing myself to own that today. I know that when we notice something hidden we allow it to heal. So I am allowing this to heal now. All it cost me to learn about this hidden part of me that was so festering in anger and so needed my attention and understanding was $5.30 and 6 minutes.